Alone
by Giton
Summary: Crais muses again, a cycle after StarBurst inside the Command Carrier.


Disclaimer on punctuation and spacing: Fanfiction.net seems to take some out!  
  
Disclaimer: "Farscape" is a protected trademark and I'm Just borrowing the characters. I promise to give them back once I've used them, hopefully more or less intact.  
  
Crais muses again, this time it is a cycle after StarBurst in the Command Carrier.  
  
Title: Alone  
  
Author: GitonCrais  
  
Rating: General  
  
Category: General  
  
Spoilers: All and none  
  
Keywords: Crais muses about the past  
  
Summary: Crais muses again, a cycle after StarBurst inside the Command Carrier  
  
**Alone  
**  
By GitonCrais  
  
It had been an entire cycle since they had StarBurst from inside the Command Carrier, Talyn and Crais had been on their own, truly on their own. No Moya, no Moya crew.  
  
Three cycles ago Crais would have welcomed the situation, two cycles even. He could have used their aid one cycle ago.  
  
Talyn had been looking for Moya but had found no signs. Crais wasn't even sure whether they were still in the same universe any longer.  
  
It was strange to be thinking of the Moya crew today. Although not for the first time in the last cycle, it seemed to make him more reflective now. He couldn't understand why. There had been no reason for it. He gave up trying to find one.  
  
He wondered how they were getting on, if they were still alive and had their plan worked. Or had his and Talyn's sacrifice been in vain?  
  
He wondered whether Crichton was still dictating to the others, right or wrong, wrong most likely.  
  
The John Crichton, who had been left on Moya, had mistrusted him right up to the end. Crais believed that had it been the other Crichton, they would have at least parted as comrades.  
  
Aeryn had surprised him. She knew immediately what Crais had wanted to do and had seen the necessity of it. She knew that their chances of surviving StarBurst within the Command Carrier would have been marginal at the very least. Yet, she went ahead with the plan, had assisted him in regaining control over Talyn. She of all people wouldn't deny him and Talyn a heroes' death.  
  
She had patted his cheek, her eyes slightly moist. He could still feel her light touch. He could still see her move away before he boarded Talyn. Would she have been looking for them?  
  
**Talyn's thoughts  
**  
Talyn felt saddened for Crais when he could feel how Crais engaged privacy mode. He had been doing it more often lately. His reflective moods always left him a little bit more depressed. And the little gunship feared for his... friend's... sanity.  
  
They had been alone for so long. They missed the others. Talyn missed his mother. He missed the songs of other Leviathans. Space felt empty without them.  
  
For a while, they had been elated and couldn't believe their luck that they had made it out alive. Even the pain of healing couldn't take that feeling away.  
  
Until they realized they were not in known space, they could not hear the sounds they were accustomed to. They were on their own.  
  
Talyn used his long-range scanners. He had to find the others.  
  
**Crais continues  
**  
Crais and Talyn had only assumed that the destruction of the Command Carrier had been at least a partial success. The data-logs showed the beginning of the destruction when they moved forward into StarBurst. They had no way of knowing whether it had been a full success.  
  
Their StarBurst had not been without pain or injury to both Talyn and Crais. It had also thrown them into completely unknown territory. When they regained awareness, the data-logs didn't show any coherent information about their entering StarBurst or their current location.  
  
Healing had taken a while for both Captain and ship. At least Talyn had lost his aggressiveness in the process.  
  
Talyn had been mournful when he couldn't detect Moya, or any other Leviathans for that matter. They had no way of knowing whether they were travelling toward known space or travelling deeper into the unknown and further away from it.  
  
Crais had to barter for food, medicines and supplies in sign language since no one on the planets he visited carried translator microbes. He was surprised to find many species similar to Sebaceans but, judging from the language, obviously were not. His credits had been useless and trading was done by the exchange of goods and services.  
  
On other planets, he had to forage for his own food and water or had to resort to stealing.  
  
Crais sighed and stretched out on the recliner in Command, placing his hands under his head.  
  
It was at times like this that he missed the Moya crew and known space. Even hearing a wanted beacon in Sebacean would have been welcome.  
  
The inhabited planets in this part of space were further apart from each other than in the Uncharted Territories. Space travel had not developed on all planets and Crais had to be careful when visiting the planets. It only added to his weariness.  
  
Determined to make his way, he had Talyn scan the planets before going down. He had tried to work out some of the languages spoken to at least trade with them. He needed to survive.  
  
It was on days like these that he missed the Moya crew the most.  
  
Talyn and he had been on their own for a long time and had always believed that their own thoughts had been enough to compensate each other's loneliness. It wasn't. He realized this now. After being deprived for so long of others who either were injected by translator microbes or spoke Sebacean, it made him realise how alone and lonely they were.  
  
His thoughts drifted to the ones they had left behind.  
  
Zhaan, the beautiful Zhaan, had been no longer with them. Somehow, he had felt a kinship with her. Maybe because he had the feeling that she understood him, judged him less than the others. Maybe that had been wistful thinking on his part. Yet, he missed her.  
  
He still found it hard to think fondly of Stark. The man's incessant chattering and preoccupation with death had more than often been driving him to distraction. His concealed threat to expose the presumed "secret" had not helped to endear him in Crais' mind.  
  
On the other hand, Rygel, the misplaced Dominar, had gained respect in Crais' mind. He was able to understand Rygel's greed, his deviousness to survive, and his negotiation skills. Some looked at the little displaced ruler as a matter of ridicule but Crais had recognized the erudite mind behind the strange little face. For a long time he had hated Hynerians, due to his early campaigns. He would probably still have hated them if it hadn't been for Rygel. The Dominar had a sharp mind and Crais wondered if the others had ever appreciated that.  
  
Jool brought a smile to his face, apart from her irritating scream, which at the best of times just gave him a pounding headache, she seemed to have accepted him easier. Then again, she had not known him before. Preoccupied with herself, life seemed to be partitioned in friend or foe, good or bad, and science; complicated, by the lack of complication.  
  
The smile continued to curl around his lips when he thought of Chiana. Yes, she could be irritating at times. It was possibly due to his own seriousness that he found it difficult to accept her life's exuberance and joy. Now he would welcome her laughter and her cheerfulness.  
  
Even Ka D'Argo's gruffness. The big Luxan had never trusted him. Had taken every opportunity he could to attack him when they met. And yet, he had seen the respect in his eyes of one warrior to another when Crais had stepped up next to Crichton and Aeryn.  
  
Ah, yes, Aeryn. He wondered if she had ever forgiven him that Talyn had chosen him instead of her. Somehow, he doubted that. And, although her life was so much more enriched when she became part of Moya's crew, he doubted if she had ever forgiven him for condemning her Irreversibly Contaminated. With hindsight he knew it had worked well for her but there had always been friction about that part. He knew she had defended him at times to the Moya-crew. Ex-Peacekeepers stick together; there was no one else to understand them. He mused whether she had gone back to loving the Other Crichton, the one who had stayed on Moya, the one who had not died.  
  
In the end, she had finally understood Crais, had understood his motives. He and Talyn had nothing left to lose, except for their pride and their lives. Crais had vowed never to leave Talyn alone, never to have him collared and become a mindless creature to the whim of the Peacekeepers. He had kept his vow. A warrior's death had been the only option.  
  
He had savoured her look of understanding, could still feel the gentle touch of her hand on his cheek and remembered her words, "Now you go."  
  
He sighed and stood up, started pacing the deck. His footsteps and Talyn's normal vibrations were the only sounds that filled Command.  
  
He sat down on the recliner again. For a moment he looked around at the empty space, only the lights flashing from the consoles. He found that lately he had been talking to Talyn aloud, if only to hear another voice speaking in a language he could understand. He shook his head and closed his eyes briefly, such reflections would only lead to madness and he had vowed to himself never to tread that road again. It was becoming hard not to.  
  
He leaned back against the bulkhead. Crichton's face came to his mind.  
  
By now Crais had admitted to himself that, because of his obsession with work and the Leviathan project and to prove that he was better than any first-gen Peacekeeper; it had already set him on the path of madness before Crichton appeared.  
  
Crichton ramming into Tauvo's Prowler...  
  
No, no. He placed his hands over his face; it had been an accident. He had already accepted that, no use going over that again.  
  
His hands dropped away and he took a deep breath to compose himself.  
  
Crichton.  
  
The man had pushed him over the edge. He had not realized at the time how little he had needed to fall over the brink of the abyss. The death of Tauvo had been traumatic in itself; he had been his last connection to family and family life, to sanity. Somewhere along the line this had brought home to him that the Peacekeeper Force was just an empty shell. He had pushed himself, his Carrier and all on board, to hunt the Human down, to atone for his failure to protect his brother. Nothing else had mattered.  
  
He drew a hand over his face. He could understand the animosity of the Human; he could understand his own feelings towards the Human. Accepting the death of your brother as an accident was not the same as having to accept the one who had killed him. It had festered between them for a long time, and it was only during their experiences together that the Crichton on Talyn and Crais had come to a deeper understanding and acceptance of each other. He had not had that same time with the Crichton on board Moya and it didn't look as if that was going to change in the near future.  
  
He wondered what it would be like if he met the other Crichton again. Would he still want to bait Crais and see if he could rile his anger? Would Crais still see him as one who had pushed him into this predicament?

Talyn chirped and Crais disengaged privacy mode, "What is it Talyn?"  
  
I have found another planet with biped life-signs. The air seems to be breathable. Do you want to go down?  
  
Crais sighed, "Yes, I will, Talyn. Thank you."  
  
You're welcome  
  
Talyn was silent for a little while Crais?  
  
"Yes, Talyn?"  
  
Will we ever find my mother and the others?  
  
Crais shook his head slowly, "I don't know, Talyn. I hope we do."  
  
So do I. I miss them  
  
Crais sighed and smiled, "I miss them too."  
  
**THE END**


End file.
